I’ve been quiet, but it’s not because I’ve been secretly hiding in den formed from dislodged couch cushions and a My Little Pony blanket, eating donuts and shamefully avoiding the computer screen.

I don’t even HAVE a My Little Pony blanket.

No, I’ve been quiet because not much has been going on. I’ve been slowly moving forward, which is good. I’m up to three and a half belt notches (meaning I COULD do four, but then sitting would become uncomfortable) on the belt I couldn’t even wear when I started this journey. I’m wearing pants that I had banished to the back of my closet because they were telling me just how fat I was and I didn’t want to listen. And I’ve started a new tactic with my nemesis, the Elliptical.

You know, it’s actually kinda funny. I say that it’s the Elliptical that is my nemesis, when in reality, I know it’s myself.

It’s like there’s two of me. The adult, who knows that exercise is not only good, it’s imperative if I want to achieve my fitness goals. Then there’s the child, who just wants a lollypop and to watch the My Little Pony movies (which I do have, on VHS).

We both get on the Elliptical, and my adult self has to be strong enough to overrule my child self when it starts to become “work”.

I’ve taken a new tactic. 20 minutes. That’s my goal. Until it’s no longer a struggle to do so, I will stay on the elliptical for 20 minutes.

Why is 20 minutes so difficult? Is it because I get exhausted? No. I’ve done 25 minutes before. I sweat like crazy, wish for the headband I keep forgetting to buy, my feet start to ache a little, and my breathing is labored (mostly because my allergies keep my nose stopped up most of the time).

No, it’s not that the exercise is hard.

It’s just that, as my child self says, it’s “no fun.”

It’s not. I don’t like being sweaty and uncomfortable. It doesn’t have to be painful to be “not fun”, it just has to not feel good. Also, it’s boring. It’s so boring. So very very boring. I’ve tried podcasts (sometimes they help). I’ve tried music (sometimes it helps). I’ve tried reading (sweaty hands = no no). I’ve tried watching TV (sometimes it helps).

But somewhere around 15 minutes, the boredom and the not funness of it collide and turn me into a quitter. My inner child sits down and wails, slamming her fists into the floor, screaming and sqwunching her face together so hard it turns red.

And my adult self has to be strong enough to ignore her, to keep going, and to push forward.

20 minutes. I can do 20 minutes. Just five more minutes.

It’s hard. But what’s funny is that much like a REAL child, it’s easier as time goes on. She learns that hysterics aren’t going to get what she wants, and so her tantrums are smaller and smaller every day.

If I even slip up ONE day, she’s back to full force, though. It’s exhausting, being my own babysitter.

Other Stuff

The knee is the same, still wearing the brace almost constantly. Tuesday and yesterday I had one of my patented Crazy Brain Headaches, which do not respond to painkillers, are definitely not migranes (I took the medicine once and it felt like my head exploded), do not respond to either stretching or muscle relaxants, and also don’t seem to appear on pattern with sugar or caffeine intake. They also range from being slightly painful and irritating to extremely painful and debilitating. I can make them feel better by applying an icepack and putting pressure in the right place, or hanging upside down from my bed. Neither of which allow me to do my job, which is programming.

I’m going in for allergy testing at the end of October, pending my post-nasal drip’s stubborn refusal to respond to the strongest allergy meds my regular doctor will prescribe, and I’m kinda hoping that the Crazy Brain Headaches are related to allergies, and will magically disappear as my other symptoms also disappear. A girl can dream, right?

Also, I just want to note that if you have ANY troubles on the regularity front, get thee to a grocery store. Buy a box of Fiber One cereal (I recommend the raisin bran flavor) and then be prepared for intestinal acrobatics on a heretofore unseen level.

I’ve been drinking coffee dailiy and taking a drink mix fiber supplement, and STILL never got the regularity that this cereal is giving me. I have to limit it to every other day just to keep me sane.


I do not advocate exceeding the recommended dosage. Have an egg or something to go with the small bowl to round out your breakfast if you need to.

Also, do not ignore your body when it says you need to go. Trust me. You need to go.


9 Responses to “Update”

  1. Have to admit it’s one of the cereals i’ve always got it my cupboard! I usually have a serving of it mixed with bran flakes then some fruit and topped with soy milk and nuts mmm….. Now your making me hungry!!

  2. @suzanne
    It’s definitely a staple at our house now. Mr. Ninja has IBS and this cereal is one of the few things that has ever helped him. We’re absolutely thrilled.

  3. Fiber One is amazing. That plus fruit and hellooo regularity.

    Bummer about the allergy issues and knee…hang in there.

    And, is there any type of exercise that you dislike less? I’m a big fan of doing what I at least somewhat enjoy. :)

  4. @FBG
    I didn’t find running to be nearly so difficult to keep up with, but with my knee, I’m not allowed to run.

    I don’t recall ever liking swimming, so I doubt that would help, even if I could get past the cost of a gym membership. When I was younger, hiking, horseback riding, and roughhousing with my dog were all the exercise I need. I’ve been apartment bound for years now – no room for horse or the kind of dog I like, and I already know that hiking with my knee munged is totally out, there’s too much twisting and balancing needed, and even short walks tend to make it start twinging.

    I like yoga, but that’s hardly cardio. *laughs*

    No, for now, forcing myself to stick to the elliptical is almost certainly my best course of action.

    You can bet I’m going to be SUPER happy when I can finally get the dog and horse again. I prefer exercise I love, too. But sitting on my arse for the past near-decade has taught me that I just don’t have an active life right now, and so I have to make concessions in order to achieve my goals.

  5. I love my fiber one.

    though Ive too often been known to coat it in chocolate and call it haystack cookies.

    my allergies are kicking my ass as well.

    that’s why this comment is soooo flowing and literate and lovely—not.

  6. :) i too have ibs!!
    I just finished making chocobrans with fibre one!! They look good just uploading a picture onto the blog.

  7. I too struggle with boredom on the treadmill and elliptical at times – sometimes 30 minutes flows by and other times, it’s struggle to get to 15 minutes!

    I do find setting a goal and a reward helps – my inner child likes rewards. But my inner and outer selves have been sick this week so today 13 minutes was my limit. Sometimes, you have to listen to your body.

    My body is currently speaking complete gibberish and craving a padded cell with lots of chocolate. I’m trying to ignore that part :P

  8. I was cleaning this morning and found the Toddlers My Little Pony.

    Tell your adultself to call me if she wants it.


  9. @MizFit
    MmMmMmMmM chocolate haystack cookies. Also, allergies are wussies. If they weren’t, they’d come out and say this stuff to my FACE, so I can slap ’em.

    Still no recipe!!!

    *laughs* The harder part is setting a healthy goal. My kidself will do it for a shake from the ice cream joint up the road. That defeats the purpose though.

    Only if it’s one of the pink sparkly flutterwings. I already have the other colors.

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